Tuesday, October 3, 2017

I Just Bought An Official NFL Colin Kaepernick Jersey


I have almost no interest in sports, and particularly little interest in the NFL. But I've long admired Colin Kaepernick. When he started his protest of racial oppression and police brutality last year, I thought his idea of a sitting -- and later, kneeling -- during the anthem was brilliant: very visible, disruptive in just the way that would call attention to his point, and protesting about an issue of massive and immediate importance.

In September, I learned more about Kaepernick from this New York Times article, like the way he studied Black representation in popular culture in a course at Berkeley, knows a ton about history, culture and literature, gives away lots of money to charities -- especially small and lesser known ones, like the I Will Not Die Young Campaign, where the donation is a lifeline -- and traveled to Ghana to learn more about his African ancestral roots. I also learned about his "Know Your Rights" camps for kids, whose goals are "to raise awareness on higher education, self empowerment, and instruction to properly interact with law enforcement in various scenarios."

We all know what happened with the protest over the last few weeks. A few more people were kneeling, the president said some racist and offensive things about the protest, and managed to insult the whole NFL at the same time, so then people were all upset about that. More players started joining in on the protest, a good thing, but then, as so often happens, the whole conversation stopped being about the thing it was supposed to be about in the first place, namely racial oppression and police brutality, and started being about people who were mad at Trump and people who were mad at those people and so on and so forth. Mind-blowingly, Sports Illustrated ran an issue with a cover depicting protestors and left Kaepernick off it.

Then a week or so ago, I read that Kaepernick's merch is some of the best-selling NFL merch. And I thought, how great would it be to have an NFL shirt with Kaepernick's name on it?

Two reasons argued against doing this.

One, by doing this, I would be paying money directly to the NFL, and thus supporting them. Since I'm lucky enough to be uninterested in football, I haven't had to grapple with the moral problem of supporting a league that won't give Kaepernick a spot, or the moral problem of NFL concussions. For me, boycotting football is the same as living my ordinary life. But wouldn't buying a shirt be the opposite of a boycott? Actually supporting the wrong people?

Two, as Kaepernick keeps emphasizing, the protest isn't supposed to be about Colin Kaepernick. It's supposed to be about the issues. Personalizing the whole thing is, in a way, contrary to the whole spirit of the enterprise. And what could be more personalizing than a person who never watches football and never wears game jerseys going out of her way to buy and wear and game jersey?

On the other hand, I thought it was great that Kapernick's merch was the best-selling merch. And to reinforce that fact, I'd have to buy from the NFL. Buying some cute but unofficial Etsy pins instead of a shirt wouldn't help make that stay true. How great would it be if his merchandise keeps being on top?

And also, I think in some ways, and maybe as time goes on, the shirt can be itself a symbol of the issues. It's a 49er's shirt. As I understand it, if he gets "picked up" by a team (is that the expression?) it's likely he'll be playing for someone else. So this shirt is about this moment in a place and in time as much as anything else.

Thinking about all this reminded me of how this whole yes-but-also problem is so characteristic of our modern age. Almost everything that we do is either complicated in some way, or bad in some way, or at the least plays into massive social structures that are, themselves, wildly unjust. I don't know in this case whether my reasons really balanced out in an OK way, or whether I just wanted the shirt because I thought it would be cool, and rationalized myself into it.

I think it's in Amazons, the mascot book of this blog, that the character of Murray Jay Suskind explains to our hero Cleo that his wife may have left him for a man, but she may have left him for another woman, or she may have left him for a man and then created some diversion making him think she left him for a man. And Cleo asks, from his point of view, which would be feel hurtful? And he doesn't know. "It's a real, modern, thumb-sucking dilemma," he says. I think about that expression all the time, because that is where we find ourselves.

When I got to the NFL online shop, they only had Kaepernick shirts in youth sizes, so I had to check out the sizing chart. And then I found myself in another ultra-characteristic modern condition: thinking about politics while also asking myself: if you start with this many inches in bra size, and you add this many inches in cup size, does that fit this many inches in "chest" measurement? Hmmm.

I took a gamble and went ahead and bought it.

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